Bible doctrine 14. Marriage.

BIBLE DOCTRINE 14: MARRIAGE

God’s Word teaches:

That Marriage is binding for life. Monogamy is the uniform teaching of the Bible. 

Polygamy is contrary to God’s perfect will and institution. Also, under the New Testament dispensation, no one has a right to divorce and remarry while the first companion lives. 

When a person becomes converted, necessary restitution, on this line, must be done without delay if he has married wrongly –

 Genesis: 2:24; Deuteronomy 7:1-4; Job 23:11-13; 2 Corinthians 6:14-18; Proverbs 31:10-31; Malachi 2:14, 15; Romans 7:2,3; Ephesians 5:31-33; Matthew 5:31,32; 19:3-9; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18; John 4:15-19; Genesis 20:3- 7.

Genesis  2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Deuteronomy  7:1 When the LORD thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;  7:2 And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:  7:3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.  7:4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the LORD be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.

2 Corinthians  6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  6:15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?  6:16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

Malachi  2:14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.  2:15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.  2:16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

Romans  7:2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.  7:3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Marriage is a holy union, a living symbol, a precious relationship that needs tender self-sacrificing care. 

It is God’s idea and not a derivative of any culture. It is a gift from God to man and it has three basic aspects: 

(i) The man leaves his parents, and in a public act, pledges himself to his wife; 

(ii) The man and woman are joined together by taking responsibility for each other’s welfare and by loving the partner above all others; 

(iii) The two become one flesh in the intimacy and commitment to the wonderful union which is reserved for marriage. 

By so doing, marriage provides the needed fellowship, comfort, companionship, and partnership.

 It is one of God’s methods to keep men and women free from fornication and immorality. 

With very few exceptions, most men and women are to marry. 

These few exceptions are to receive God’s guidance and are not to be the product of infantile decisions, misguided imitations, faithless consecration or frivolous religious compassion.

Matthew  19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,  19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

1 Corinthians  7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.  7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.  7:25 Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful.  7:26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be.  7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.  7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.  7:29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;  7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

 (Genesis 2:18-20, 22-24; Matthew19:4,5; Ephesians 5:31; 1 Corinthians 7:1,2,25-29,32).

Marriage is part of God’s plan to raise the Christian family. 

But the believer is not to go searching for a wife or husband, neither are they to resort to the abominable method of ‘sampling’ or ‘picking and choosing’. 

“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18). 

God seems to be saying, “I am not going to allow the man to choose for himself”. “And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made He a woman, and brought her

unto him” (Genesis 2:22). 

God did not bring a girl, an immature female, or a teenager, but He brought a woman (intelligible, sensible, and mature) unto the man. 

He brought a perfect fit – two of a kind! God still leads His children to His will even today. 

He does this through (i) His word (Psalm 119:105; 130; 2 Timothy 3:16,17)

Psalms  119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.  119:130 The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.

2 Timothy  3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:  3:17 That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.

 (ii) the inner voice of the Holy Spirit, prompting, directing, influencing or checking (John 10:4,5,27; Romans 8:14; Proverbs 20:27; 1 Samuel 9:15-21; 16:13; Joel 2:28,29; Acts 9:10-15).

John  10:4 And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice.  10:5 And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers.  10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:

 However, any revelation that is received must be diligently compared with the Scripture. 

If any revelation, visions, or dreams contradict the Scripture in anyway, such revelations, visions, or dreams are to be rejected as false (Isaiah 8:19,20; Jeremiah 23:21-32; 2 Corinthians 11:13-15; Revelation 22: 18,19). 

Isaiah  8:19 And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? for the living to the dead?  8:20 To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.

Once the will of God is known, believers are to seek and obtain their parents’ consent before going on with any further plans (Genesis 24:15-29; 34:3-12; Exodus 22:16; Deuteronomy 7:3; 1 Samuel 18:20,21; 1 Corinthians 7:36-38

Deuteronomy  7:3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.

It is ungodly for any believer to elope with a woman or man no matter the divergent and unyielding stance of their parents (Genesis 31:20-29). 

People in such a situation must pray and trust in the Lord who gave the revelation of His will, to finish the work, for “with God all things are possible” (Psalm 37:4; Philippians 4:6; Proverbs 21:1 Mark 10:27).

 Thereafter, payment of Bride price or dowry shall be executed in line with the Scripture.

 It is an ungodly practice to borrow money or go into debt to impress the women’s parents or relatives or invitees. 

It is also considered sinful for two people to live together without meeting the requisite obligations to their parents 

(Exodus 22:17; 1 Samuel 18:25-27; Hosea 3:2,3; 1 Corinthians 14:40; Romans 13:7,8). 

The parents’ consent will lead, naturally, to a period of courtship to be determined by the church leadership but preferably not longer than nine months. 

This affords the intending couple the opportunity to understand one another and plan for the future together. 

It is a time to be spent together not in secrecy but in the home of a Christian family where movement of people is not restricted. 

It is during courtship that the intending couple will discuss their expectations of each other (on finance, size of family anticipated, extended family etc). 

Purity must be maintained before, during, and after the courtship (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7; 5:22). 

Visitations and exchange of gifts at this stage are not acceptable, before the wedding. 

The Christian wedding is preceded by ‘filing in of notice’ at the Marriage Registry. 

This is to enable the public inform the Magistrate should there be any objection to the proposed marriage.

 The church wedding will take place after the Pastor had received a certificate from the magistrate.

The church will not join a couple in marriage where i) one of them had been previously married and is separated from his or her former partner 

(Matthew 19:4-6; John 4:18)

; ii) the lady has not obtained the consent of her parents;

 iii) the couple is in unequal yoke – one of them is not born again (Deuteronomy 7:3; 2 Corinthians 6:14); 

iv) the lady is already pregnant.

Therefore no believer will marry an unbeliever or a divorced person. 

Moreover, God’s word forbids the believer marrying “any that is near of kin”, that is “a relative” (Leviticus 18:6). 

Marrying relatives was prohibited by God for physical, social, and moral reasons. 

Children born to near relatives may experience serious health problems. 

When improper sexual relations begin, family life is destroyed. “For all these abominations have the men of the land done, which were before you, and the land is defiled…” (Leviticus 18:27-29).

From the parables and actual marriages in the Scripture, weddings were moments of rejoicing and feastings and special garments were provided for the bridegroom, bride, and guests at the wedding 

( Matthew 22:12; Revelation 19:7,8). 

Matthew  22:12 And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.

Yet Christian practice must be guided by the uniform teaching of Christian living in the New Testament 

(1 Corinthians 7:29-31; 6:12; 8:9,13; Romans 14:15; 1 John 2:6; 3:2-4). 

The believers therefore must shun every form of worldliness and worldly imitations in dressing and in the manner of entertaining guests. 

Simplicity and modesty must characterize the wedding and God’s name glorified.

The first step in creating a new union with one’s spouse is the dissolving of the old one. 

A severance of relationship with one’s parents (Genesis 2:23,24; Ephesians 5:30,31). 

He is to leave father and mother, which means departing, loosing oneself, finding freedom from something. 

Many who have violated this scriptural principle have discovered to their chagrin a hurt to their marital joy. 

Marriage is “until death do us part”, and God did not make any provisions for divorce or remarriage.

In marriage, lack of spiritual, emotional, and intellectual intimacy usually precedes a break down of physical intimacy. 

When couples fail to expose their secret thoughts to one another, they shut off the line of communication to one another. 

The great secret of conjugal happiness is mutual love, kindness, tenderness, and loveliness of character in the home. 

The wife should respect and obey the husband and the husband should love and care for the wife (Ephesians 5:22-31). “

Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord…” 

Submission is not the obliteration or nullification of the woman’s personality. 

It is neither subjugation nor an imposed obedience. 

Submission is a voluntary subordination. It is obedience motivated by love (Philippians 2:5-8). 

“Likewise, ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands…” (1Peter 3:1-6). Such a life speaks loudly and clearly, and is often the most effective way to influence a family member. 

Christian wives should develop inner beauty rather than being overly concerned about their appearance. 

When the wife lives the Christian faith quietly and consistently in the home, her family would see Christ in her. 

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it…so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself” (Ephesians 5:25-28).

 Christ is the model of love. The husband can never love his wife too much, yet that love is inconsequential when compared to his love for the Lord. 

The husband’s love makes him to be considerate, understanding, and able to bear with his wife.

The husband is also the head of the family. This headship has the idea of authority, an authority after the analogy of Christ’s Headship. In that sense, the husband is the spiritual head of the family and his wife goes along with his leadership. 

A wise and Christ-honouring husband will not take advantage of his role, and a wise and Christ-honouring wife will not try to undermine her husband’s leadership.

“Nevertheless let every on of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” 

(Ephesians 5:33).

Ephesians  5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Let us pray.